Evening Hosts Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Television's prominent comedians used their airtime criticizing former President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration program, called the "gold card," portraying it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the affluent.

The Late Show's Pointed Take

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas jingle targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, and then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... spoils each thing he handles."

The focus was the controversial initiative that allows overseas nationals to buy U.S. legal status for an investment of one million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for five million. A government portal guarantees processing "faster than ever."

"A quick message for you to rich applicants: prior to you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the scheme is also designed to "squeeze cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, involving hefty payments. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your selection – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"Unprecedented vetting the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will let wealthy international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll ratings during financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a effort to address affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of food items, and reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning news defenses of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.