🔗 Share this article Navigating my Desire for Casual Encounters Whilst Seeking a Committed Partnership Being a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent many, mostly pleasurable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I was in a serious relationship which continued for a significant period, however I never felt completely content, because I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start seeing a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners again. Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many homosexual males engage in open relationships, yet from my observations, they appear demanding, often causing lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I want a partner to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, but I fear the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I’m feeling a bit lost. Every person’s intimate path varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle various forms of sexual unions as fixed. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change down the road; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a suitable route … or not. At some point you could encounter a person offering a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over the future and playing the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your energy. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and see the value of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know. The psychotherapist practices as a American psychotherapist who specialises in treating intimacy issues.