The Advice given by A Father Which Saved Us as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of being a father.

But the reality soon proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her main carer as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a good spot. You require some help. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a larger failure to talk between men, who continue to absorb negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a show of failure to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a respite - going on a couple of days overseas, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a friend, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their stories, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."